Subject
by Moonsetta
Summary: Things just WERE now. The little things were little things. Nothing had a name. It didn't matter to the leader, but Raphael had to believe that Leo could still put names to things, had to believe that the little things still meant something to him.


It was Monday when he noticed it. It was Friday when it got annoying. Then it was the next Wednesday when he decided to speak up.

"Is something wrong Raphael?"

Leonardo looked up from where he was standing in the dojo, his swords resting in his hands. The red banded turtle, who was leaning against the wall and half hidden by shadows, shook his head before he let his eyes fall back on to his older brother. The leader himself didn't think much of this, he simply returned to his exercises.

Gaining nothing from the short confrontation, that is **if **that scene could've been called a confrontation at all, Raphael left the room, heading towards the main room of his home. All the lights were out except the TV. The screen showed the word DVD Video.

"Donny or Mikey must have been watching a movie," Raph thought.

A quick glance around the furniture corrected his guess, they had **both **been watching a movie. He sighed and leaned his shell against the back of the couch before slipping down it and sitting there in it's large shadow. He threw a glance up at the dojo and then across the room where a lighted doorway stood open. He could go talk to his father, none of the others were going to talk. A clang of metal had the red banded turtle's eyes flying back to the dojo where he could just make out Leo's shadow moving along the far wall. It had been a day. Well 21 hours and 38 minutes, and Raphael was much too conscious of every moment that passed.

21 hours and 38 minutes since he had come within inches of possibly ending his brother's life.

Part of his mind argued that their Fearless Leader needed the wake up call, the other part, that sounded like a mix of many voices, Splinter's, Don's, April's, Mikey's, heck even Casey's. They were all saying what an idiot he was and just yelled at him for what he had nearly done, when he hadn't even done it. He tried to imagine what Leo would be saying if he had his voice running around in his head. He was sure it was there, but there was one small problem.

The voice was silent. What his brother had asked him back in the dojo had been the last sentence that Leo had spoken to him since-

Their fight.

Their fight…Raph growled and tightened his hands into fists. He didn't want to think about it, he didn't want to be reminded of it. NEVER AGAIN! The problem was that he wasn't sure how to feel about it. Guilty that he had nearly ended his brother's life? Satisfied that for once he had beaten his older brother at something? Angry because Leo still didn't understand what he was saying? Another problem, he wasn't even sure what he had been saying. He hated that words had so many meanings. He hadn't exactly been clear that night and why couldn't his mind now just settle on one emotion? All the complications were making his brain hurt. This was more something that Donatello should handle.

With a shake of his head, Raphael got to his feet, crossed the room and didn't stop until he met the table where his family had eaten their first of many missed meals with their eldest brother. Brother. It seemed to be such an unstable term now. Overall, one more of many more words to confuse him.

Looking back, one might have expected to see some scene of Brotherly fluff, some stream of understanding, accepting nods, sympathetic gestures and affectionate smiles. Well-

There wasn't any.

Nor were there angry shouts, sparking tempers, smart remarks, merciless attacks or unforgiving glances. No. they were just- frozen.

"Frozen," Raph thought and nodded before he glanced up at a sound, seeing his older brother walk out of the dojo.

Yes. Frozen. He decided. Any words between them, if there were any at all, were neutral. The words didn't scrape the border of resentment nor of kindness. It would've helped if Leo hadn't changed. Looking in as the eldest turned off the entertainment system, including the TV, Raphael wondered about what happened to the blue banded turtle. Yes, he had spoken very stoutly when he had returned, but now…Leo rarely said anything and what made the hotheaded turtle the angriest was that Leonardo's Fearless Leader mask was now on 24/7. He hadn't seen Leo smile, or frown, just a strait, neutral line of a mouth. That was it. His eyes didn't betray anything either, they just said, strength.

A strength that lit an envious spark inside Raphael.

He wanted to know when Leo had become a robot, when his emotions had been ripped away and the side that constructed the human part of Leo had vanished.

This time, when Leo slipped back inside the dojo, Raph followed.

* * *

For Leonardo, there was something of short coming. His thoughts weren't on the events that clouded his red banded brother's mind. His thoughts weren't depressing, joyous or any other emotion. He could recall slightly, the times when being in the dojo gave him a feeling of peace and calm control, but now, it was simply a room with weapons and training mats. If he was still the same, he would've sighed a breath of longing for the beating sun against his tanned green skin, the sight of a million stars above his head every night, the moss covered damp stones by the riverbed, the clear, clean air, the black and brown dirt and mud that covered the earth, the life flowing within all the trees around him and mostly, the silence.

Well, there hadn't been silence. There were chirping birds, crickets, buzzing insects, monkeys hollering from the tree tops, fish swimming up waterfalls and along the rivers and streams, distant howls of dogs and wolves and the occasional sound of rain hitting the treetops. No, perhaps what he meant was that there was an absence of human sound, an absence of human intervention.

Humanity wasn't around.

But now-

Maybe he missed it, maybe he had been _happy _at some point. But now-

There was no feeling of joy as he sat within his home. Neither was there any longing to return to that world of bright sunlight and open skies. One would think such a place would bring a longing urge or at least a small smile for the happy memories. He couldn't really call them memories, it was more like some events he had to go through. Like returning to his family in New York City, it felt like a command from the air.

He can recall when watching his family made him happy and proud.

Things were just different.

It was all logic now and animalistic instincts. For some reason he thought back to a book he had read when younger, he and Don had read it together. The Lord of the Flies by William Golding. A story about a plane full of English school boys landing and becoming trapped on an island. Despite having good boys, many fell into their primal instincts. It didn't matter that some of the boys turned and killed two of their schoolmates. It didn't matter. Organization fell apart and humanity's shadows were blown away. They faced the wilderness, the true world, on their own. And failed by falling into chaos, or maybe it wasn't failure, maybe they succeeded, sure two or maybe more boys had died, but some were still alive.

In that jungle, the blue masked turtle had become more animal than human. Although his skin had hardened from his training throughout his life, it now seemed like stone. More scars decorated him than any of the others. And mostly, he had become silent, his voice had fallen away.

He still talked, when he thought there was something necessary to say. When he didn't HAVE to say anything, he didn't. There was no one to talk to in that jungle. He had first simply whispered his thoughts out loud as he went to sleep during the first few weeks. Eventually though, this stopped as well, and his only words were grunts of pain when he stumbled back to wherever he was staying, his body shaking from bullets and blades.

Leo sighed his way out of his thoughts and pushed off the wall from where he had been leaning against it. He glanced around at the warm red-brown rocks that made up the walls then sighed again before sitting down to meditate.

He couldn't really recall the feelings of emotions. He was aware that many times he had been happy, sad, depressed, proud, hurt but he couldn't remember how these emotions pulled at his heart, because they didn't anymore. That's what he thought of this right now.

He wasn't shocked when another presence entered the room and sat down next to him where he had moved to meditate but when he forced his eyes to open and sweep away from his thoughts he met two eyes and a question.

"Where's my brother?"

* * *

Uh….it was 2:00am and I have the flu.

That's about it I just thought in the storyline of the movie, it was amazing how fast Leo adapted to everything, I don't really think it could actually happen as fast as it did though.

Why is it when you don't like something, you can't stop writing about it?

Go figure. But wait...that last line developed a plot bunny inside my head, oh it won't get out! AHHHH! I HAVE TO GO WRITE!

~Moonsetta


End file.
